An Interview with Dwight Stackhouse. . . February 2014
Dwight G. Stackhouse
An Interview with the Author part 1 February, 2014
I recently sat down to interview Dwight Stackhouse, the author of the newly released and highly praised novel, "Mother's Milk." Since its release in July, 2013, the novel has garnered reviews from readers on the sites of the two major booksellers, Barnes and Noble and Amazon, giving it an overall five- star rating from both, the highest available. We discussed the process of writing the book, the characters, his inspiration, and his private life - among other things. All of this interview will be released in its entirety, in a two-part series beginning at the commencement of Black History Month and throughout the month of February.
As I entered the room to begin the interview, Mr. Stackhouse stood to greet me. I immediately noticed there is a somewhat pleasant aura of authority about him. This seems odd only because there is something equally boyish in his manner. As we made our acquaintances, his hand shake was firm, but inviting. “And what is your name, young man?” he spoke, seeming particularly happy to be meeting a stranger. With his lean, six foot frame, he appeared agile and strong for a man of sixty-six years, as he politely invited me to be seated first. It was his smile however, that was so genuine and authentic, within moments after our conversation began, I was quite comfortable and felt I was speaking with an old friend.
A confessed "momma's boy," Mr. Stackhouse brought a very relaxed demeanor into the setting we chose for the exchange. He seems somewhat reluctant about being interviewed. Not that he was hurried or didn’t have time, but there is an assumption somewhere within his behavior that suggests he hoped not to be imposing on my time. I watched his face as we begin to talk and it becomes clear that he is an unrehearsed, humble man - but also anxious. He has much to say.
Having read the book, I have questions of my own and I hope the answers will clarify my understanding, not only of the book and its message, but I also wanted to know more about the man who was so inspired to write it. "So let’s begin." “Before we do”, Mr. Stackhouse interrupted, “Please, call me Skip. My friends call me Skip.”
Well, Skip, What was your inspiration for the book, Mother’s Milk ?
I wrote the first five pages in 1977. It was a scream, a wail. I suppose it was a cry for some relief, an involuntary response to the pain I felt when Mother died. This cannot be called inspiration. It was more like a visceral reaction. When I got back to it in 2007, I decided that my sons simply had a right to know what happened to our house of love. They had a right to know what happened to their father. So if there was something that could be called inspiration, it would have to be a wish to be understood - if not forgiven, by my sons and their mother.
Share with us why you chose the book’s title.
It is metaphorical. It represents the love, and the nurturing that a Mother pours into her children; her teachings and those life lessons that are as essential to a child as life-sustaining breast milk is to that infant. It becomes wonderfully clear when reading the book, especially at the end.
What would you say was the most difficult challenge you faced in writing the book?
Without a doubt, - revisiting those memories and the actual locations in my mind. This conjuring was wrenching. You know, you see yourself in that person, in those places doing those things - the one who perpetrated all of that grief, but you try to establish a distance as if you are writing about someone else. Indeed you are. Part of you knows that person is gone, he is dead. But the truth is, it was me and facing that fact was/is a torment. Daily during the writing, with each page, it seemed, I would be reduced to tears.
You write about your love for your mother in your novel. How do you think she would react to the book?
If she could react to it, there would be no book. The story is about life without her. She was a god fearing woman, the God of the masses if you will, with that particular and peculiar slant the Jehovah's Witnesses give him, her religion of choice. She was a good Christian and wanted for me and all of her children to be the same. On that level she would be disappointed. She would certainly be saddened by the fact that I took to a life so antithetical to the one she espoused. Having said that, she would be overcome with pride to know that her children rescued and saved her "soft little boy."
One detects a level of passion in the novel when you speak of Detroit. Are you a native Detroiter?
Yes, but more than that Detroit houses my nostalgia, it is the only place I have ever loved; the only place I was ever comfortable calling ‘home’. Imagine that, loving a place! It is the place where all of my memories were born. My parents are buried here. I am sentimental about those boundaries and I have a real love affair with my city. I can go on and on about Detroit, and I will in a coming essay; a treatise about the place that nurtured me. So yes, it pleases me that my passion for the city comes through in the book.
If your art could change your community in some way, tell us how, and what would your community then look like?
There would be peace in the valley. I 'm only half serious here. "Mother's Milk" is about grief, redeemption and absolution. It is about love - all of its variations. One of the things the book portrays is how people who were suffering and troubled, would line up to talk with Jesse (The lead character), as broken as he was himself, because they felt he was someone who cared enough to listen. If this book could be understood by the people, there would be far less sadness in the community, far less violence, and more understanding and patience. This is what everyone wants: to be heard, appreciated and recognized for what value they bring. It may be as simple as this: When you ask someone : "How are you doing?" Stop, and listen for the answer.
You say the book is about grief. What have you learned from your experience?
I believe we have the wrong idea about death and dying (I certainly did). Think about how many people within a community are troubled, suffering and become violent or depressed because there is no acceptance of death. If nature teaches us anything, the first lesson is that death is as common as birth, just as honorable, and you cannot have one without the other. For example, Jesse had to die for Skip to be re-born. This response may seem a bit convoluted or unpleasant , but I would ask you to think about it. I lost so much valuable time with my sons and family looking for answers. All of the real answers are simple, but life imposes a myriad of not-so-simple, not-so-pleasant questions on the way to discovering them.
Who would you say was the most influential person in your life in terms of your love of art?
Certainly, my parents -equally, not one more than the other. However, there have been many other influences along the way. My sister would push me to read, write, draw and perform many kinds of art. I have certainly been impressed and moved by many great ones and their names are too many to mention. I did however spend about three years with James Baldwin, and that cannot be done without being " influenced." He was one of the great artist, one of the great thinkers of our time.
You said you had an opportunity to travel and work with the legendary writer, James Baldwin. What would you say was the one thing about him that had the greatest impact on your life?
It would be easy to go to his wonderful mind, but I think it was his kindness, and his unrelenting belief in his fellow humans. I try to remember how much he believed in us. During my time with him this was something we had in common. I have lost a bit of it in the interim, but it helps to remember his words. I hear him saying, "We can be better than we are." I hear that in my head...often, actually. There was something absolutely compelling about his humility and selflessness.
When it came to publishing your novel, what were some of the obstacles you faced?
First of all, I never intended to publish it. It was written for my sons who for reasons I understand, had no desire to read it. But I was pushed and encouraged to do so by friends who had read pieces of it and found it compelling enough to suggest that I pursue publishing.
The biggest problem of course was having no idea where to begin. This was all new, unfamiliar terrain for me. I did remember some of the sessions I witnessed when I was in meetings with Jimmy - his agent and editors, but I was lost at the time, and so utterly overcome with grief that I was not really present. I tried reaching the agent I remembered, a fellow named Jay Acton, but I could not find him. The process is further complicated by the fact that nobody knows who I am.
I eventually responded to a self-publishing ad and began interviewing them. After much discussion I settled on Xlibris, an arm of Random House Publishing. Time will have something to say about the wisdom of that decision, but so far so good.
I recently sat down to interview Dwight Stackhouse, the author of the newly released and highly praised novel, "Mother's Milk." Since its release in July, 2013, the novel has garnered reviews from readers on the sites of the two major booksellers, Barnes and Noble and Amazon, giving it an overall five- star rating from both, the highest available. We discussed the process of writing the book, the characters, his inspiration, and his private life - among other things. All of this interview will be released in its entirety, in a two-part series beginning at the commencement of Black History Month and throughout the month of February.
As I entered the room to begin the interview, Mr. Stackhouse stood to greet me. I immediately noticed there is a somewhat pleasant aura of authority about him. This seems odd only because there is something equally boyish in his manner. As we made our acquaintances, his hand shake was firm, but inviting. “And what is your name, young man?” he spoke, seeming particularly happy to be meeting a stranger. With his lean, six foot frame, he appeared agile and strong for a man of sixty-six years, as he politely invited me to be seated first. It was his smile however, that was so genuine and authentic, within moments after our conversation began, I was quite comfortable and felt I was speaking with an old friend.
A confessed "momma's boy," Mr. Stackhouse brought a very relaxed demeanor into the setting we chose for the exchange. He seems somewhat reluctant about being interviewed. Not that he was hurried or didn’t have time, but there is an assumption somewhere within his behavior that suggests he hoped not to be imposing on my time. I watched his face as we begin to talk and it becomes clear that he is an unrehearsed, humble man - but also anxious. He has much to say.
Having read the book, I have questions of my own and I hope the answers will clarify my understanding, not only of the book and its message, but I also wanted to know more about the man who was so inspired to write it. "So let’s begin." “Before we do”, Mr. Stackhouse interrupted, “Please, call me Skip. My friends call me Skip.”
Well, Skip, What was your inspiration for the book, Mother’s Milk ?
I wrote the first five pages in 1977. It was a scream, a wail. I suppose it was a cry for some relief, an involuntary response to the pain I felt when Mother died. This cannot be called inspiration. It was more like a visceral reaction. When I got back to it in 2007, I decided that my sons simply had a right to know what happened to our house of love. They had a right to know what happened to their father. So if there was something that could be called inspiration, it would have to be a wish to be understood - if not forgiven, by my sons and their mother.
Share with us why you chose the book’s title.
It is metaphorical. It represents the love, and the nurturing that a Mother pours into her children; her teachings and those life lessons that are as essential to a child as life-sustaining breast milk is to that infant. It becomes wonderfully clear when reading the book, especially at the end.
What would you say was the most difficult challenge you faced in writing the book?
Without a doubt, - revisiting those memories and the actual locations in my mind. This conjuring was wrenching. You know, you see yourself in that person, in those places doing those things - the one who perpetrated all of that grief, but you try to establish a distance as if you are writing about someone else. Indeed you are. Part of you knows that person is gone, he is dead. But the truth is, it was me and facing that fact was/is a torment. Daily during the writing, with each page, it seemed, I would be reduced to tears.
You write about your love for your mother in your novel. How do you think she would react to the book?
If she could react to it, there would be no book. The story is about life without her. She was a god fearing woman, the God of the masses if you will, with that particular and peculiar slant the Jehovah's Witnesses give him, her religion of choice. She was a good Christian and wanted for me and all of her children to be the same. On that level she would be disappointed. She would certainly be saddened by the fact that I took to a life so antithetical to the one she espoused. Having said that, she would be overcome with pride to know that her children rescued and saved her "soft little boy."
One detects a level of passion in the novel when you speak of Detroit. Are you a native Detroiter?
Yes, but more than that Detroit houses my nostalgia, it is the only place I have ever loved; the only place I was ever comfortable calling ‘home’. Imagine that, loving a place! It is the place where all of my memories were born. My parents are buried here. I am sentimental about those boundaries and I have a real love affair with my city. I can go on and on about Detroit, and I will in a coming essay; a treatise about the place that nurtured me. So yes, it pleases me that my passion for the city comes through in the book.
If your art could change your community in some way, tell us how, and what would your community then look like?
There would be peace in the valley. I 'm only half serious here. "Mother's Milk" is about grief, redeemption and absolution. It is about love - all of its variations. One of the things the book portrays is how people who were suffering and troubled, would line up to talk with Jesse (The lead character), as broken as he was himself, because they felt he was someone who cared enough to listen. If this book could be understood by the people, there would be far less sadness in the community, far less violence, and more understanding and patience. This is what everyone wants: to be heard, appreciated and recognized for what value they bring. It may be as simple as this: When you ask someone : "How are you doing?" Stop, and listen for the answer.
You say the book is about grief. What have you learned from your experience?
I believe we have the wrong idea about death and dying (I certainly did). Think about how many people within a community are troubled, suffering and become violent or depressed because there is no acceptance of death. If nature teaches us anything, the first lesson is that death is as common as birth, just as honorable, and you cannot have one without the other. For example, Jesse had to die for Skip to be re-born. This response may seem a bit convoluted or unpleasant , but I would ask you to think about it. I lost so much valuable time with my sons and family looking for answers. All of the real answers are simple, but life imposes a myriad of not-so-simple, not-so-pleasant questions on the way to discovering them.
Who would you say was the most influential person in your life in terms of your love of art?
Certainly, my parents -equally, not one more than the other. However, there have been many other influences along the way. My sister would push me to read, write, draw and perform many kinds of art. I have certainly been impressed and moved by many great ones and their names are too many to mention. I did however spend about three years with James Baldwin, and that cannot be done without being " influenced." He was one of the great artist, one of the great thinkers of our time.
You said you had an opportunity to travel and work with the legendary writer, James Baldwin. What would you say was the one thing about him that had the greatest impact on your life?
It would be easy to go to his wonderful mind, but I think it was his kindness, and his unrelenting belief in his fellow humans. I try to remember how much he believed in us. During my time with him this was something we had in common. I have lost a bit of it in the interim, but it helps to remember his words. I hear him saying, "We can be better than we are." I hear that in my head...often, actually. There was something absolutely compelling about his humility and selflessness.
When it came to publishing your novel, what were some of the obstacles you faced?
First of all, I never intended to publish it. It was written for my sons who for reasons I understand, had no desire to read it. But I was pushed and encouraged to do so by friends who had read pieces of it and found it compelling enough to suggest that I pursue publishing.
The biggest problem of course was having no idea where to begin. This was all new, unfamiliar terrain for me. I did remember some of the sessions I witnessed when I was in meetings with Jimmy - his agent and editors, but I was lost at the time, and so utterly overcome with grief that I was not really present. I tried reaching the agent I remembered, a fellow named Jay Acton, but I could not find him. The process is further complicated by the fact that nobody knows who I am.
I eventually responded to a self-publishing ad and began interviewing them. After much discussion I settled on Xlibris, an arm of Random House Publishing. Time will have something to say about the wisdom of that decision, but so far so good.
